i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
