I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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