Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You were trust falling into bushes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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