am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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