i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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