is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
