then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
