I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
