I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
