you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
