dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
