Pants 0. Shit 1.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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