so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
