Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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