I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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