i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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