i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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