There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
