Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
