Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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