I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
