i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
