I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
