I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
third nipple confirmed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
