Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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