Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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