she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
