I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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