Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
