I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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