I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
