you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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