yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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