i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The power of my boobs compel you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
