Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
