I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
