i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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