4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they need to just BURY HIM!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
