im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
