and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
