All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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