Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
