His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
