i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
