does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
