I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
