You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
