Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
