Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
