even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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