Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
