R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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