Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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